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: How Do I Keep Annoying People Away?

by Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW

Dear Deb:

I have a 30 year old son who is terminally ill with a brain cancer. This has been going on for approximately two years. The doctors have advised us (and the two other persons who are involved) that stress is to be kept to the least possible amount. However two people are doing their best just to see how much trouble and stress they can cause my son. Yes, I know it is hard to believe, but it is happening. My question to the people on the board is this: "Is there any law or code that this can be brought to make these troublemakers stop?" If it takes some kind of warrant, or whatever, I am quite ready to do anything I can to stop it--or as far as that goes, any legal action to stop it.

Can you please help me? It becomes very hard to watch my son suffer because of these people's actions.

Thanks and God Bless.

Dear Don:

I am so sorry to hear about your son and the grief all of you must be going through. You don't state where you are from, and of course all states have different laws. Therefore let me give a more general answer.

First, how does your son feel about the treatment he is getting from these two people? If you can discuss that openly and find out his wishes, that may help the answer to become clear. If he wishes them out of his life (and you haven't said who they are either), your local Adult Protective society may have some advice, the local cancer society and of course his doctor. But the main issue is: How much does he want you to intervene? I think talking this over with him may be very helpful. Not only will it open the door to discussing this issue but other issue related to his illness. Some times the greatest stress can be not talking in order to protect others. We need to be able to ask where he's at and listen to his responses. Real healing, emotional, comes from acceptance of the person's feeling related to their illness.

I hope this gives you a starting place. Again, I know the grief must be intense.

Deb